1) You can earn an online degree with no assignments, or indeed, any intelligence required: “Yes Boss, I have been extremely busy this year, I earned a degree from a prestigious, non-accredited university. Professor Ngalabombo from the Nigerian University told me I was his most profitable student ever”.
2) You can become a Police Officer on-line – Ever want to pull over that annoying driver and show him who’s the boss? The only hitch is you have to provide your own gun and baton.
3) You can learn a new language in 10 days: Is “stupidity” a language? Must be, I suppose.
4) You can improve your Credit Rating with an Aqua Card: The rate is surprisingly ‘competitive’ at just 35%. I agree, that is very surprising!
5) You can win laser eye surgery with Optical Express: Oh yes, let’s jump on this one, just keep very still while they hold your eyes open with those pegs.
6) You can get cheap auto insurance, just US$9.00 per week: The claims department is conveniently located on the 17th floor of the company’s 16-floor building.
7) You can become an X-ray technician online and earn US$57,000 per year: what could possibly go wrong here?
8) You can get an oriental rug set for just US$120.00: Rugs are just never on sale, ever. This is the deal of the day.
9) Guys, you can finally get that penis implant you have been hankering for: I think I’ll go for the “George Clooney” – that has to be a winner, surely.
10) We will, of course, need some Viagra to complement the “Clooney” appendage: or at least a truly remarkable and cheap generic brand. It’s also useful if your pets have fleas.
If these don’t grab you, and I can’t, for the life of me understand why they wouldn’t, there is always this particularly unique offer:
“Travel to Uruguay! Naked!”