Supermarket Sweep

Before launching into the super important topic of item placement in supermarkets, I firstly need to shamelessly gloat. Last week I successfully NAILED the US presidential debate tie colours. There they were, Romney in red, Obama in blue. A day to be proud of. For my next trick, I will accurately predict the next President of the United States, simply using a bucket of chicken entrails and a yoyo.

So, enough self-congratulating, it’s kind of pathetic anyway. On to more urgent matters:

Who decides shelf placement in a supermarket? Who is this person? How did they get this job?

I was in a supermarket the other day, when I noticed the baby formula section was situated right next to the alcohol section. Any parent will tell you, that’s an inspired placement.

Putting the cause and solution close together makes perfect sense. One probably caused the other but then when you have one you need the other. It’s a win/win for everyone, but what about everything else? I know impulse buys are at the register, chocolate, sweets and condoms – although I am not convinced condoms are an impulse buy. Who goes to the checkout with a bag of potatoes and a tube of hemorrhoid cream thinking, “mmm, yes, maybe a roll of mentos and a pack of “sexy suzie’s super stimulating condoms” for me”. I just can’t see it.

I constantly get confused trying to find food and other items in supermarkets that hide where my admittedly illogical brain, can’t find them.

Crisps, nuts, dips and nachos mix should be placed directly next to the beer section, or even better, all five items in a sturdy box marked “football match”.  That way, there is no mucking around, you just tell one of the lads, “Hey Dave, let’s watch the game at my house. Can you just pick up a box of ‘football match’ on the way?” Oh, how uncomplicated life would become.

I am sure placement in supermarkets is a little industry of its own, and people toil for aeons to come up with the “perfect” spot for everything.  Quite probably for women, location is crucial. Logical positioning entices and delights. The promise of untold riches inside beckons the ladies in. Here’s the fresh, inviting, fruit and vegetables, so crisp and colourful. Oh, and a bit further in, is that the deodorant section? I can hear the squeals of delight. Yep, once inside, the aisles tease you with the promise of shopping heaven, each turn opens up a galaxy of items to buy. Every now and then, impulse items are strategically placed to tempt you in further.

Of course for us guys, all they need is a piece of cardboard, with big black marker pen writing: “Cold beer out the back”.

I’m in.

About Tim

I'm an expat dad, living in Hong Kong. Being a parent, especially a dad, is simply fraught with danger. Mums seem to have this built-in radar for trouble and danger - I do not. - all about my life, being dad. http://achipofftheoldblog - all about the funny and strange things I see. View all posts by Tim

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