Hotels – I hate staying in them.

In the corporate world, hotels can be a status symbol of having made it. If you went on business trips, it meant you were vaguely important, and certainly as a young fellow, I marveled at the guys and gals who got to fly around and stay in fancy lodgings.

Now, of course, I know differently. I know that getting on a plane and checking into a hotel is neither fun nor exotic. It’s 10 hours in a metal tube followed by 10 hours in a small box. On a side note, I read the other day that planes nowadays are made up of “CREP” – Carbon reinforced plastic. If you are a cynic like me, that’s WAY too close to “CRAP”. In any event, I’m not sure I like the idea of flying in a slightly modified sprite bottle.

Hotels are strange and odd species. Buffet breakfasts, complete with scrambled eggs that are either more a soup than a scramble, or cooked for what must be days to get them as close as I imagine a diced rubber tire would look and taste like.

The mini sausages and mini glasses fascinate me. I suppose it’s a way of restricting consumption – to have shot glasses for your morning orange juice – but why the micro sausages? People just take 8 of them, so why not make a proper size one?

The rooms are designed as a place of rest – they are not designed to have people over – unless you’re a rock star, and the bed is the central attraction.  For the rest of us, they are to sleep in, with the bare minimum necessities, maybe a minibar and not much else.

Just on that subject, beware – the minibar is your enemy. On business trips, after the obligatory dinner and drinks with friends or colleagues, it’s way too easy to stumble in late at night, only to wake up the next morning surrounded with the remnants of US$50 worth of cashews, pringles and kit-kats.

So when you check in, leave your wallet on the bed and put the contents of the minibar in the safe. Shut it, close your eyes and set a combination you can’t possibly remember. Sure the hotel may charge you a small fee to open it next morning, but it will be cheaper than leaving late night temptation out, trust me.

About Tim

I'm an expat dad, living in Hong Kong. Being a parent, especially a dad, is simply fraught with danger. Mums seem to have this built-in radar for trouble and danger - I do not. - all about my life, being dad. http://achipofftheoldblog - all about the funny and strange things I see. View all posts by Tim

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