I like coffee; I like it a lot. I like it so much that I would do almost anything for a cup. Well, almost anything.
So what’s the latest coffee craze? Is it fancy frothy designs expertly poured onto the top of an overpriced latte by a barista with clearly too much spare time? “Palm leaves are so yesterday, how about the Taj Mahal?”
Is it a new coffee variety? “Try our new double-mocha-short-cream-caramel-whisk-surprise”.
No, the latest and greatest coffee craze is this:
Elephant poo coffee. No need to re-read it, you heard me correctly the first time, (or for the pedantic – you read it correctly the first time). Elephant – Poo – Coffee.
OK, here is how it works. You take an elephant. In this case an Asian elephant from Thailand; you feed it coffee beans – and voilà, the next day you have dung coffee. Apparently it has an “earthy” flavour. Oh really? Do tell!
Personally, I have remarkably few rules in life, but one rule I do have is I don’t consume products that have been through the digestive tracts of animals. Call me old fashioned, but it’s just how I am.
I suppose this might relate back to my youth when my brother – surely thinking I was smarter than I actually was – got me to eat a dog poo – that had been bleached white in the Australian sun. “Yep, you can eat it, it’s just a meringue”. Sadly, I did, and it wasn’t.
So maybe I’m a little sensitive, but seriously? Coffee that has come out of an animals butt? What makes it even more laughable is that it costs US$500 per pound, or, on average, US$50 for a cup.
So not only do these people want you to drink their poo beans, but also to pay for it like a prized French Truffle pig called Philippe dug it up in Périgord.
If a truffle is actually just a fancy mushroom, what can be said about an excreted coffee bean? I suppose it will become a marketing dream:
“Our coffee genuinely is shit”