Tag Archives: Y2K

Nothing? Really?? Not a thing???

So the world didn’t end on Friday 21st December. The doomsayer’s and Mayans were all wrong. Stupid Mayans. We all got so worked up – I even sold my prized baked bean, that looked remarkably like the Eifel Tower, on e-bay. OK, that’s a lie actually, but if I had such a bean, I would have sold it.

I must say I am starting to lose faith with spurious world ending predictions.

I keenly sat in front of the TV on December 31, 1999 ready to see civilization disintegrate – as “The Y2K Bug” destroyed the fabric of society. On that occasion, my preparation was the timely delivery of a large pizza and a case of beer: “yes please, before midnight if you could manage it, I’m expecting the end of the world”.

PS – I now understand the irony of trying to watch the technological end of the world on TV.

In 2008, and a little classier by then, I ordered Thai takeaway, opened a bottle of Rosé and awaited the “Large Hadron Particle Collider” to be turned on. This particle accelerator, whatever that means, is 27km long and runs through France and Switzerland. It fires extremely small things at each other. I’m not sure why. Its activation was due to create a black hole that would swallow the earth. All that actually happened was the restaurant forgot to pack my fish cakes.

“The Great Pleiadian Eclipse Alignment”, on 20th May 2012, was when the Sun, Moon, Earth and a bunch of stars a mega-don-dillion* light years away – aligned – apparently for the first time in 26,000 years. As I eagerly awaited “a major cosmic event” and all that (doesn’t) mean, my cheese plate arrived – and end of the world made way for Camembert and crackers.

But fear not, the end is still coming, even if you choose to ignore the plethora of religious/spiritual nutcases predicting global demise on a weekly basis. The Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, have clocked up 21 failed “end of times” predictions. I think it’s time they gave it up and opened a bakery. Jehovah’s Biscuits might be a much better seller for them.

But really, the one we should be concerning ourselves with is happening in 1.2 million years. The star ”Gliese 710” will somehow be causing a drastic increase in the number of impact threatening meteorites around Earth.

Put it in your diaries, people!

*I made that word up – it means a very, very long way.

 


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